I’ve been a bit busy. Truth be told, I’ve not blogged this infrequently for years. I bet you’ve not even noticed.
Blogging is the perfect activity for the ambivert. An ambivert is someone who, in the Myers-Briggs test, falls almost exactly inbetween an introvert and an extrovert. That’s me. I love my own space. I go crazy if I get too much of it. I love being with other people. I go mad if I spend too much time with them.
Blogging is the perfect combination – the lone writer, solitarily pouring their thoughts into page after page of internet space – but enjoying the potential adulation of a growing (or in my case, shrinking) following.
Being an ambivert, apparently means you’re the most balanced kind of individual, content in company or alone. I’d argue, that in my case, while sometimes I’m really easily pleased, most of the time, I’m totally unsatisfiable. The worst kind of person to be!
A few weeks ago I realised that I was quite tired. I’ve been working hard at my new job and enjoying the challenge and creativity of it so much I didn’t realise how much it had been taking out of me. So I planned a break. What I probably needed was a good chunk of spacious time, of empty time, of doing nothing time. I got a bit of that. But what I got more of was squeezed time, filled-up time, doing lots of things time.
In the space of ten days I saw 4am four times, and all because I was travelling not because I was dancing. I went to Tenerife for a few days, saw a prom at the Royal Albert Hall, watched some Olympic handball, visited two friends, saw some culture at the Edinburgh Fringe, hosted my sister, and saw Blur play live to Hyde Park, as well as meeting people for drinks, eating dinners, going to barbecues, helping dig some friends’ garden and so on. You get the idea of how restful my ‘break’ was.
Unlike an extrovert who would have gone back to work completely energised by having done so much and seen so many people, I went back to work slightly exhausted and randomly tearful (‘You’re just like mum!’ my sister said, when I cried for the fifth time during her stay for no reason except that I’d just watched the Olympic men’s marathon result). I think the phrase I would choose is ‘beside myself’.
And yet, with my work colleagues away, two days of working solo after my break left me feeling a bit listless and lost. I needed to see people, to talk, to analyse, to chat… I found myself popping into Sainsbury’s to find the crazy old ladies who go there for conversation in order to talk to them. This is not typical introverted behaviour either.
I’m an ambivert. Completely fickle. Craving company at the same time as rejecting it. Wanting peace and quiet and then picking up the phone to break it as soon as I can. Neither one thing nor another.
Is that ‘balanced’ behaviour… I’m not sure. But until I find other ambivert-suitable activities, I’m returning to the blog to console my contradictory urges.