Number five, take one

So this is where it gets complicated. Because I’ve been on two dates in the last couple of days, and while the first is the fifth date I’ve been on, he, according to the rules, does not count, as he is not a brand new person I have not met before. Which means that the sixth date I have been on since the challenge began, is the offical Number Five.

Confused yet? Try being the girl on these dates.

I think I’m in the swing of dating now: look pretty, turn up a little but not too late, be charming, offer to pay your way, graciously accept if the offer is refused, smile sweetly, laugh at all the jokes, chat away but not too much, listen carefully and always text to say you’re home safely and thank you for a lovely evening.

Easy, right?

The thing is, according to KM, this challenge is not just a box ticking exercise, but a way to kickstart a quest to find True Love. And getting into the swing of dates, also means getting into the more eligible/potential datees. The higher value dates, who’ve taken a little longer to come about, who have been more carefully set up, who have actual potential.

High value dates mean taking more care about what I say, what I look like, what I do, what I agree to, in case, like a loaded gun, it all goes off and causes some form of minor random destruction. It means being prepared to follow through. It means accepting the terrifying possibility that one of these guys might end up being The Love Of My Life.

Thinking about this is NOT helpful  at all. It turns a lovely evening into an attempt to work out whether I really want to wake up next to that person every day for the rest of my life. Which freaks me out a bit and then stops the whole thing from being as much fun.

So with unofficial number five – the date who doesn’t count because I’ve met him before – it’s all a bit more loaded, precisely BECAUSE we know each other. Whether anything comes of it or not, it’s not just a case of sitting together and passing the time for an evening. Implicit in the air is the idea that ‘something could happen here’.

It makes me panic a little bit. Because what if, in my gut, I think it shouldn’t happen, or it happens inexorably due to chance and Fate without my control or say so? What if I fall in love with someone who will break my heart and ruin my life?

This is the point where I have to make myself take a deep breath, feel that fear, and take the risk anyway. With a very tight grip on B’s longstanding advice about the three month rule.

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