Communist dating

“We are the most important search engine on the Web, not Google. The search for companionship is more important than the search for song lyrics.”
OKCupid CEO, Sam Yagan
The lovely itwasallonestream shared an EPIC essay she found about online dating in the New Yorker magazine. It’s well worth reading if you’re at all interested in the trials and tribulations of the lonely hearted.
One of the major reasons given to me for dating online is to have more choice. The logic is this:
You need to find a single man who suits you.
You know statistically that they exist, but you don’t know any.
So you should broaden your search as widely as possible to increase your chances of finding someone appropriate.
The web offers the widest possible choice, because it is global.
No longer do single women have to languish imagining the man of their dreams is inaccessible because he lives in Ulan Bator. The internet, like love, knows no geographical barriers.
But as the article points out:
‘When there is something better out there, you can’t help trying to find it. You fall prey to the tyranny of choice—the idea that people, when faced with too many options, find it harder to make a selection. If you are trying to choose a boyfriend out of a herd of thousands, you may choose none of them. Or you see someone until someone better comes along. The term for this is “trading up.” It can lead you to think that your opportunities are virtually infinite, and therefore to question what you have. It can turn people into products.’
At risk of sounding like a Communist, I prefer not having too much choice. Then I’m not crippled with indecision, and choosing none of the options available to me is justifiable. When there’s an endless supply of men to choose between, not picking one of them makes me look churlish.
The essay concludes: ‘It’s senseless, at least in the absence of divine agency, to declare that any two people were made for each other, yet we say it all the time, to sustain our belief that it’s sensible for them to pair up. The conceit can turn the search for someone into a search for that someone, which is fated to end in futility or compromise, whether conducted on the Internet or in a ballroom. And yet people find each other, every which way, and often achieve something that they call happiness.’
So there is hope, as long as you’re searching for the good enough rather than the perfect. But that’s a whole other blogpost…
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