The filter

Maybe it’s just me and I’m awful and mean, but I have a habit of describing people by the bad things about them, rather than the good.

‘You know who I mean,’ I might say, ‘she’s got a droppy left eye and wears terrible earrings.’

‘Oh yeah,’ you’d reply…

Because I know I do this, I’ve started trying to describe people by their plus points instead of their defects. It doesn’t work.

‘You know who I mean,’ I might say. ‘She’s got super glossy long hair and amazingly aristocratic knees.’

Blank expression.

‘And a droppy left eye and terrible earrings.’

‘Oh yeah,’ you’d reply, and then tell me how mean I am.

In fact I know I’m not the only person who does this and the six with six in six challenge has highlighted it.

I’m not usually someone who taps up her friends and networks for dates. But if someone mentions they know someone who sounds reasonable, I’ll ask: ‘Are they single?’

The answer is usually: ‘Yeah but they’ve got terrible teeth.’ Or ‘Yes, but they don’t ever wear jeans.’ Or ‘I do, but they work in the City…’

So lots of single women end up, I think, believing there are no single men in their networks at all, when the truth is there are, it’s just they’ve been filtered out by their friends based on their potential flaws. Some of these flaws I accept could rule people out.  Halitosis, for example. Or obsessive compulsive disorder. Or a recently expired prison sentence.

But not every flaw. After all no one’s perfect. The good thing about the six with six in six challenge is that it’s purely about numbers. The goal is not to find a husband. The goal is prove to KM people don’t need online dating sites to meet new people. This means the majority of people I’ve asked to help me out aren’t ruling people out because they’re too flawed to be my future life partner. All the weight of responsibility has been taken out of it. This is about fun. One date not a lifetime commitment.

All that said, it’s worth bearing in mind that not every flaw is really a flaw. And sometimes the thing that snags you is actually the less than perfect. The splinter in your finger you can’t get out, the bit of something in your eye that drives you to distraction. But you never know that until you put yourself out there with all your flaws and faults, to meet all the great imperfect like you.

Advertisements

5 responses to “The filter

  1. You’re right to be careful about so-called flaws. What matters is that they are kind and interesting. There’s also got to be a spark of course!

    • Not when it’s a numbers game. When it’s a life partner game, it’s a consideration…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s