Green goddess

This week I’ve been doing a hardcore, totally irrational detox diet, involving drinking nothing but this green juice…

It’s the 7lbs in 7 days diet by Jason Vale, and although most of my friends would tell me I’m ridiculous for a) wanting to lose weight and b) choosing to do it by drinking what looks like distilled Hulk in a glass, I’ve fallen prey to the quick-fix.

VB swears by it, and when I googled it to see if I could find criticism of it from a health point of view, I could find nothing. So, since VB was willing to lend me her juicer while she was on holiday, I thought I’d give it a shot. A week living on nothing but the juice of celery, cucumber, avocado, lime, pineapple, apple and avocado.

Day one was fairly easy, in that ‘I’m doing something novel, isn’t this fun’ kind of way. It was a Sunday so the lack of routine helped. And it was warm and sunny so I didn’t have as much of an appetite as normal. But I did take the communion bread and then wondered if that was breaking the rules…

Day two was not so easy. I was hungry every three hours and the lack of tea or coffee or caffeine in any form meant I was suffering withdrawal. Headache central… Still I pushed through. ‘You’re really going for it with this juice!’ said my flatmate when he came home to find me pushing pineapple through a tube to get out a centimetre of liquid. ‘I am living on juice,’ I replied, solemnly.

Day three and I wanted to check this thing was actually working, so I checked in on the weighing scales – four pounds down, and so no excuse to go back to eating solids. What a shame. It wasn’t the chewing I was missing so much as something savoury – all this fruit is nice and sweet but oh for some cheese or chorizo or curry or anything chewy and salty…

Day four. The game was out in the office, and all the girls at work were completely incredulous about how I could possibly choose to live on green goop. ‘It’s only for seven days,’ I said ‘And I’ve done the bulk of them now.’ But secretly I was lusting after their salads which used to look so virtuous and now looked like such a treat. How could I treat myself when all I was allowed was pulped vegetables? I looked back at the book and found something involving yoghurt and bananas and made it that night to satisfy my need for change.

Now it’s day five and I’m well into the swing of it. But… I’ve already agreed to go out on the final night to celebrate a friend’s 30th birthday. Ending all the good work with a bit of fizz probably wasn’t what Jason Vale had in mind. Plus I’m out of the office on a job in Bristol this evening (more on this another time) and the potential for the whole thing to go awry is large and looming.

It’s possible the green goddess I’m aiming to achieve by Sunday may end up more like a fire engine than a fitness instructor.


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