A non-fastening zip and a non-fat state of mind

Either my body’s changing or the way I look at it is.

For example, I’m fairly sure that my legs are the slimmest they’ve ever been in my life. But last Saturday I went to put on a white summer dress I love that I’ve had for a few years. And for the first time I struggled to get it fastened. B zipped me in and I could feel the back flab oozing over the top of the dress.

Mental doom ensued, where I repeated ‘You are not fat, you are not fat, you are not fat’ to myself like a mantra, all the time knowing that you can’t contradict the evidence of a non-fastening zip and excessive back fat. But I still think my legs are the slimmest they’ve ever been in my life.

So what’s the truth? Am I actually fatter but just love my legs more now than I used to? Or am I carrying weight in different places to where I did five years ago?

Or was it just a warm day when I was retaining more fluid than normal? Perhaps on a cooler day that dress would fit fine… I daren’t try it on again for fear that that’s not true. Ignorance is always bliss.

The consequence of the non-zipping dress was, that even though I put on something else that fits fine and would normally make me feel fabulous, I felt flabulous instead – stuffed into it, like sausagemeat into skin. Prick me and I’ll pop.

I sat all night thinking about the way my mummy tummy spills out over the top of my waistband. And then I thought about the fact that I have a mummy tummy but am not a mummy. Is this an age thing?

The next day, I came home still feeling generally rubbish about myself, compounded by the fact that a bird had pooed on my head on my way home. I sulked a bit and B laughed at me because objectively, I am not fat. Plus my mum thinks I’m nice.

Nevertheless, I declared that I was going to stop all alcoholic drinking and eat nothing but vegetables. A few hours later, I was stuffing myself with lovely Chinese take away and drinking champagne – a last supper with RM.

It’s all a state of mind. I’ve got the slimmest legs I’ve ever had in my whole life. Therefore, I am not fat, I am not fat, I am not fat…


6 responses to “A non-fastening zip and a non-fat state of mind

  1. I agree with Sarah – we woman suffer body weight issues because of the way we are made (and suffer) try the dress on again, it will flow over you, trust me, would I lie to you?

    Champagne? Lucky you, enjoy and then some!

  2. Despite feeling a little disappointed not to get a name or at least an initial mention in this blog (as it was all because of me you were supping champers and scoffing Chinesse!) I have to tell you MATGFC (see what I did there?!) that it truly doesn’t matter what the reason is that the zip wouldn’t fasten-you are FABulous just as you are-throw the dress away before it inflicts any more suffering!
    Also-almost finished ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’-has B ever read it?!!! If not-she should! I’ll post it back to you xxx

    • Just for you I have edited in your initial. See how I care?!
      B has read HJNTIY – I bought it for her! She dismissed it out of hand, because she’s too much of a romantic at heart. True say.

  3. Ha ha ha!!! Very amusing! Try being 54, wrinkly, greying, tired after not very much exercise and with a wonky leg!!! Then you’ll feel fabulous now!

  4. Pingback: Year of men versus Year of zen « Me and the Girl from Clapham·

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