Good guys, bad boys, Yin and Yang

Some people call them players
But I’m far from terrified
‘Cause somehow I’m drawn to danger
And have been all of my life
It feels my heart’s divided
Half way between wrong and right
I know I’m playing with fire
But I don’t know why
Yeah, the bad boys are always catching my eye
I said the bad boys are always spinning my mind
Even though I know they’re no good for me
It’s the risk I take for the chemistry
With the bad boys always catching my eye
Ooh, bad boys
Some think it’s complicated
But they’re straight up fun for me
I don’t need no explanation
It’s nothing more than what you see here

Alexandra Burke ‘Bad Boys’

What’s the draw of the bad boys? You know the type – they’re the ones who flirt outrageously with you, are slightly racy, they drink too much, buy you too many drinks, are always playing out, charming, often handsome, single and devastatingly dangerous.

Some girls don’t see the appeal of these guys at all. Well done to them.

I say, someone has to love the guys who are no good…

I know I know – it’s a fatal flaw. Essentially, if you’re clearly a bandit, and you’re charming, like a moth to a bonfire, I’ll flutter toward you.

What is the challenge of the bad boy? And why are good guys so unappealing?

I have a theory (I have a theory for most things!) about this – the yin and yang of masculinity.

Good guys are generally honourable and kind and would make great life partners. They’re whiter than white and yet, like all humans, they’re not perfect. Right in the middle of them is the potential for them to be bandits, to be the opposite of everything they mostly are – to be bad, unfaithful, ungenerous and unkind.

Poor honourable men – I should love them but I don’t, and when they act like the bad boys I love, I’m shocked rather than drawn.

Bad boys are arrogant and cocky, bad husband material, but deep down there’s a small nugget of honour.

That small nugget, I reckon, is where the appeal lies.

I know it’s there and I like a challenge so I set out to find it, no matter how deeply buried.

Just like there’s nothing more disappointing when an honourable man behaves badly, there’s nothing more delightful than when a bad man comes good. It’s a triumph of hope and it leads you to think that maybe they could be good and racy all at the same time.

Anne of Green Gables said, ‘I wouldn’t marry anyone who was really wicked, but I think I’d like it if he could be wicked and wouldn’t,’ and I think that’s all I want.

So now I just need to retrain my brain to go for the good guys with the potential to be a little wicked, than for the bad boys with a vague of hope of them coming good…

Let’s see how that goes!


3 responses to “Good guys, bad boys, Yin and Yang

  1. How right you are! I speak from both perspectives:

    I am the ‘good guy’. I clean, I cook, I even bake sexy muffins, but alas – am eternally single.

    Now, I know a few bad boys. They are charming, they make you laugh, they are messy and drunkards, but they have that quality that draws you right in…

    Moth to the flame…
    (and in no way am I likening myself to an ugly butterfly and the flame to the hotness that gets you burnt if you get too close!)

    Who am I kidding?!

    • I have a couple of theories, more about the girl that’s drawn to the bad boy.

      a) She displays symptoms of the Saviour Syndrome – converting him as the only woman that could ever cure him of his wayward ways; later to tire of him as he no longer possesses the charm of the bandit he once was

      b) The girl on the arm of the bad boy gets a lot of attention from the crowd …what did Al Pacino say in the Devil’s Advocate “Vanity was always my favourite sin”.

      Conversely don’t you think the bad boys are also drawn to the good girls…not the bad girls?

      There’s definitely a time in life for dalliance with the bad boys, the trick is knowing when to fly away …funny thing though these matters of the heart

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