This afternoon, the fate of the England football team will be decided. The nation will watch, gathered round televisions and big screens up and down the country, with baited breath, fingers and toes crossed, hoping they pull the goods out of the bag.
I will not be joining them.
I plan on taking advantage of the peace and quiet to move flat. As a non-football supporter I never cease to be delighted by the things you can get done for the 90 minutes when my 60million co-inhabitants of this island (with the exception, perhaps, of those north of the Border) are otherwise occupied.
Here’s my shortlist:
Go shopping. Empty aisles in the supermarkets, no queues to the check out or to the changing rooms, and time and space to consider what you’re buying without feeling you’re in someone’s way. Stress-free bliss.
Imagine you’re a post-apocalyptic survivor. You could re-enact the opening sequence of 28 Days Later for your own town/village. Wander the empty streets shouting hello, knowing that no one can hear you and therefore, no one will think you’re mad.
Drive across London or along some other normally congested route. No one’s in their cars, everyone’s in the pub, the roads are clear and traffic free, and so you can have the joy of driving a route in the amount of time that Google says it should take.
Go to the gym. I personally never do this, but I’ve heard queues for treadmills and bikes can be a nightmare, so this is clearly the time to do it. Or go swimming in a gloriously empty pool.
Drink coffee in your favourite coffee shop and hope the yummy mummies who usually populate these places decide to stay home and watch the football too.
Walk naked down the street. No one will see you, everyone is watching the game. If you’re in Coventry you could pretend to be Lady Godiva. How liberating.
I’m going to get carried away – anyone else got any other suggestions they’d like to add?