I was driving to an exam this week following a lorry with no freight but these words written on the back of the cab and I have to say I wondered if it was a sign (wouldn’t you?).
You see I am afraid that failure is not an option for me and that that makes my life quite difficult at times, because, after all, we all fail. It is highly possible that I will have failed my NCTJ Law exam this week and although I tell myself that it’s fine and I don’t care, I will actually be a bit gutted if I do fail.
I’m not very good at failure. I didn’t have much practice at it growing up because I spent my time doing things I was good at (reading, jigsaw puzzles and the like) and not at things I wasn’t (swimming, running, anything involving getting out of breath). And thinking about it, failing is something we need to practise at too.
It’s not for nothing that we are taught that nobody likes a sore loser. Losing well takes practise.
It is typical of me to view my life in terms of a competition. As my coursemates delight in reminding me, life is not a competition.
But sometimes I know there are things that I cannot succeed at or ever hope to win. And had I learnt how to fail maybe I’d try again but know when to give up, instead I get frustrated with myself for not being better.
Nobody forces anybody to enter competitions, but unfortunately life is one race you can’t bow out of. There comes a time when I will have to accept that failure really is an option.
But not for a bit yet…